-- Originally posted on: https://www.pathwayscounsellingperth.com.au/blog/how-to-heal-from-a-toxic-relationship-and-recover-by-moving-forward
Healing from a toxic relationship is one of life's most challenging journeys. It can be difficult to admit that you are at breaking point. Sometimes the hardest thing is letting go of a person you invested in, if it means that the relationship is becoming toxic for you. Sometimes it can feel easier to stay in the relationship when one’s sense of self is depleted and avoid facing the loss.
You cannot move on with your life with healthy closure if you are still holding onto the person who hurt you. Yet it is possible to heal from a toxic relationship when we acknowledge reality and take intentional steps toward recovery.
Why Many Struggle to Let Go of Toxic Relationships
It may be difficult to break free from the cycle of abuse and leave a toxic relationship because:
- We can hold onto what feels familiar to us and try to make something work to avoid facing the loss
- Being gaslighted or emotionally abused can cause a person to blame themselves as being the problem, making it hard to recognize the abuse
- We can focus on the good moments while minimizing painful experiences
- It can be easy to hold onto the person they presented themselves to be and hope they will change.
- We mistake anxiety and uncertainty for excitement or chemistry
- Sometimes we become attached to our fantasy of the person rather than who they truly are
- We resist accepting painful truths that would require difficult changes
The hardest part is often grieving not just the relationship itself, but the loss of the fantasy that we believed our partner to be.
Steps to Heal and Move On From a Toxic Relationship
1. Release the Need to Fix What's Broken
Healing begins when you accept that you can only change what is within your own control, rather than trying to change someone who does not want to help to meet your fundamental needs. Therefore, you can redirect your focus towards healing the part of yourself that is holding onto something that is not serving you.
2. Embrace Reality not Fantasy
Sometimes we can project our unmet needs onto a person and see them as the person who was going to make up for them. This can make it difficult to recognze the abusive behaviour such as coercive control and confuse it for love. Facing reality often allows us to let go of the fantasy of the person. This can be difficult to do if you still hold onto the good times or feel attached to false hope rather than the person itself. Allow yourself to see the relationship clearly, without the filter of wishful thinking. This clarity, though painful, is the foundation of healing.
3. Work through attachment wounds rather than repeat the pattern
Sometimes we can attach to our unmet needs and hope that someone else can make up for it rather than working through them. A healthy relationship starts once we begin to have a relationship with ourselves, rather than abandoning ourselves to get back what was not met. This often means healing your inner child and re-parenting yourself to break the attachment to unmet love.
4. Create Distance
Breaking the trauma bond requires physical separation. Limit or eliminate contact to interrupt unhealthy attachment patterns.
5. Recognize resentment is still holding on and not giving you closure
Accept why the relationship ended without obsessing over details or feeding resentment, because it keeps you attached to them. Staying stuck in anger and resentment keeps you holding on rather than moving on from an abusive relationship
6. Process Your Emotions
Letting go is painful, but it allows you to move on with your life. Seeing a therapist can help you to make sense of things, better understand yourself and process feelings rather than holding onto the person in order to avoid facing difficult feelings.
7. Abandon Fantasy Thinking
Let go of "what-ifs" and pining over the person with obsessing over them or memories that keep you emotionally trapped. When nostalgia tempts you back, recall how the relationship impacted your wellbeing and self-worth.
9. Rebuilding your sense of self
After being beaten down in a unhealthy relationship you can start to feel worthless and think it was your fault, or believe you don’t deserve any better. In recovering from an abusive relationship it is important to undo the impacts caused by emotional abuse and rebuild self-esteem. It is necessary to learn how to emotionally regulate and overcome the effects of being in constant fight or flight from being in a hypervigilant state from walking on egg shells.
10. Understand Your Patterns
Recognize how your unmet needs may have driven you towards unhealthy relationships, and work to fulfill these needs in healthier ways. Explore through therapy or self-reflection what drew you to this relationship and how to avoid similar situations in the future.
11. Rebuild Your Sense of Self
Working through your own attachment wounds and healing yourself allows you to meet your own needs and give yourself the love you need, so you can attract what you deserve in future relationships.
12. Establish Healthy Boundaries
Learn to honor your needs without sacrificing yourself for others' approval. Embrace the road to recovery instead of abandoning yourself.
The Path Forward
Moving beyond anger is crucial for true healing. Professional support can help you process emotions, break destructive patterns, and develop healthier relationship skills.
Recovery happens when you address the deeper aspects of yourself. By healing these wounded parts, you create space for authentic connections built on mutual respect and genuine love.
The journey of self-growth may feel challenging at first, but it allows you to break the patterns that keep you from having a healthy relationship with yourself and others.
For more information for counselling support to heal and recover from a toxic relationship, contact us today.
Contact Info:
Name: Pathways Counselling Perth
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Organization: Pathways Counselling Perth
Website: https://www.pathwayscounsellingperth.com.au/
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